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Summer Reading

It’s another lovely day in Nova Scotia. Jasper is lounging next to me. We had a very busy day – we drove into Yarmouth to get some more of his organic dog food as well as an iPod cable, some BenGay (cue the jokes!) for my back and other sundry items. We’ve had lunch and are now settled in next to a bookshelf filled with titles such as, “Shroud from the Archbishop,” “The Good Terrorist,” and, my favorite, “The Queen’s Man.”  I would crack open these rarefied titles to see just what these them books be all about but wouldn’t it be so much more fun to make it up? Its time for some imagination time kids. And remember, as Tina Fabrique reminds us, “I can go anywhere. Take a look, it’s in a book, a Reading Rainbow…”

Shroud from the Archbishop

Obviously this title concerns the controversy over circumcision in the church. A lowly peasant boy – rich only in faith – rises through the ranks of the clergy to become Archbishop of the land. But deep within his burlap slacks hides a dark secret he has kept from the world for over fifty years. You see, Archbishop Johnny never had a briss…err…whatever its called for them.  So he resolutely decides to perform the snippy snippy himself. Alas, his skills in exegesis far surpass his skills in surgery and Archbishop Johnny’s efforts prove overzealous. Mortified, he presents his severed member to a lowly peasant boy – rich only in faith – as a cautionary tale. The boy forever treasures his Shroud from the Archbishop.

The Good Terrorist

This particular terrorist only attacks people who don’t turn the sound off on their hand-held gaming units on the subway.

The Queen’s Man

I certainly hope you’ve all read this classic, I believe it is firmly cemented in the canon. Thus, I will keep my summary brief. “The Queen’s Man” relates the timeless tale of Fernando, a world-famous choreographer, and his assistant Deep Saddles, a young man with a dream in his heart and a twinkle in his eye. Deep Saddles just adores Fernando despite Fernando’s sometimes persnickety personality. But when Fernando smacks Deep Saddles across the face with a heavily ornamented pink boa encrusted with semi-precious jewels in the middle of a famous borscht joint in Moscow, Deep Saddles knows Fernando will never change. Despite his hundreds of fans, Fernando, Deep Saddles now realizes, can never love HIMSELF. Deep Saddles walks out the exit, hearing only the squeak of a creaky joint and the slam of the unbuffered door swinging shut behind him, never to return.

Love to all,

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  1. August 15th, 2009 at 13:34 | #1

    Billy! Please send all of these fascinating tomes my way!

  2. Mommy Wheelan
    August 18th, 2009 at 17:15 | #2

    Gosh another sad romantic tale of love and longing- and of course- heavily ornamented pink boas encrusted with semi-precious jewels

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