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Holiday Party Dos and Don’ts

December 19th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

Do: Compliment your hostess. “You look gorgeous, and the shoes! Work!” or “Well someone has been eschewing holiday treats – you look like a skeleton!” or “Jesus, you ALWAYS have the best drugs.” Contrary to what those naysayers may believe, flattery will get you absolutely everywhere.

Don’t: Point out your hostess’ missteps. “Well someone was a bit more than tipsy last night!” or “Oops, I can see your Spanx showing” or “You look like a Christmas ham!”

Do: bring a gift. Champers, a six pack, or an old bottle of baileys that you epoxied the seal back onto so that it looked unopened.

Don’t: Show up empty handed. Dashing for the bar with your coat still on will make you look NOCD (aka NOKD – depends on where you were raised). Unless, of course, the coat is shaved chinchilla dyed in a Christmas hue. In that case you can do whatever you want.

Do: Drink! Unless you are in AA. The more you drink the better everyone looks.

Don’t: Drink too much. Blacking out on the toilet or dry heaving into someone’s potted plants is not a cute exit strategy.

Do: Come slightly late and leave slightly early. It’s awkward to be the first to arrive and – I truly can’t stress this enough – totally unacceptable to hang out after everyone has gone. The people in my life who are welcome to stay after the party is over are not numerous. Hint: you aren’t one of them.

Don’t: Do a drive-by. If you can’t stay for 25 minutes or more don’t come at all. Its tacky.

Do: Look fabulous. We all eat and drink just a wee bit more during the holidays. Most of us also work a wee bit less. Use that found time to do what you do best – cardio.

Don’t: Wear unflattering outfits. Check yourself from all angles. That pudge hanging over the seam on your backless cocktail dress? Not flattering. Be sure you know what you look like from all angles, not just the front. Just remember: everyone is looking at your ass. Doesn’t that make you feel better?

Do: Forget all these rules and have a fabulous time. No guest is more welcome than the one who energizes a party with his or her positive spirit and joie de vivre. Be that person and you’ll always be invited again and again.

Xx
-B

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  1. January 5th, 2010 at 13:42 | #1

    Brilliant-you should collect your tips and write a book!

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