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Its another dreary, wet day here in the land that Momma Sunshine forgot: Nova Scotia. Everyone says it only gets overcast and rainy when I am here but I’m beginning to think I’ve been deceived. I betcha the weather is always this crummy.

I’ve spent the morning doing Sentia-related work and harassing Shawna over email. Also, I forced everyone to listen to 4 remixes of “Put Your Hands Up For Detroit” that I found on a sketchy Russian music downloading site. Awesome! But fear not, excitement is in store yet. We are going to TOWN! That’s right, in just a few short minutes we will consume our small rations for luncheon (that is, if my stomach can manage it over all the excitement) and then pile into the Prius to have an oh-so-efficient hybridian ride into town. There I will return DVDs to the video store (For Lease!) and mail my mother a postcard. Are you jealous yet? You should be!!!

This brings me to some musings about nature. As you know I am now, temporarily (we hope – Dr. Zeitels you better have done me right!) a mute. Thus I am deeply and fundamentally in tune with my surroundings. That is because when you lose the use of one sense, you become a Wicca. I can actually hear the crackle of the tree bark splitting as those majestic ferns reach infinitesimally higher into the blue, clear grey, overcast sky. Squirrels come and gather at my feet, offering up their delicious forage of cashews, almonds, and macadamia nuts for my consumption alone. A lone fawn leaps on gilded wings up…up…into the stratosphere, carrying with it all my thoughts and cares. Thus we can come to the logical conclusion that nature b my bitch, holla.

But in musing on nature I’m forced to confront some ugly truths, truths many would rather avoid. For instance, nature is filled with bugs, many of them flying. That is gross. They fly around and end up like in your hair and landing on you and some of them bite and even suck out all of your blood like Count Chocula. This I cannot tolerate. People say to me, “oh but Billy, without bugs there would be no flowers.” That is fine. I do not need flowers. I have the whole flower district right off 6th Avenue for that sort of thing. Plus there are flowers in greenhouses and if you’ve ever been in a greenhouse (have you? Not the club in Soho I’m talkin a big glass thing filled with fawna) then you know that all greenhouses are filled, packed, bursting practically with flowers. But what don’t they have? Bugs. ‘Nuff said.

The other unfortunate thing about Nature is that it is dirty, often wet, and sometimes dark (especially at night). This necessitates all sorts of equipment that would rightly be considered extravagant luxury in the city: flashlights, fur and gore tex lined boots, hockey masks, etc. These items come at considerable cost and then one loses them or they break or get dropped into a stream…the means of destruction and loss are, quite literally, countless. Thus it is necessary to purchase and re-purchase multiples of everything until soon you become the little old lady who lived in a shoe from Eddie Bauer. And while its “charming,” its far too expensive and outlandish for “regular” people and thus I find myself more than a wee bit uncomfortable with the implicit class distinctions we are making here. I look forward to returning to the real world of glass, steel and marble known as The Ludlow.

Please share your thoughts with me – and the world.



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  1. mattie
    August 11th, 2009 at 15:12 | #1


    your blog is fantastic

    i’d say scratch “one-man gossip girl” and do this instead but that would defeat the purpose. Of the silence I mean.

    cant wait for you to get better, come home, and introduce me to your dog

  2. CeCe
    August 16th, 2009 at 19:47 | #2

    I love “Put Your Hands Up For Detroit”!

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